I stumbled upon a post, with two absolute goddesses - Lady Gaga and Oprah - discussing mental health. Beyond my sheer delight in witnessing Lady Gaga bravely describe how she manages her physical and emotional pain, it was wonderful to hear her explain how she is able to do this.
Specifically, Lady Gaga talked about using dialectical behavior therapy, or DBT (in addition to medication, which was another courageous disclosure). This is my favorite therapy modality, for so many reasons. She referenced one of many DBT skills, radical acceptance, as crucial in helping her navigate intense physical and emotional pain while still working and being productive.
Radical acceptance refers to the radical - meaning hard af - skill of accepting or acknowledging whatever you are struggling with. This could be ANYTHING - from the small things, like being stuck in traffic to the big things, like flashbacks of childhood trauma. (And please, dear reader, start practicing this skill with the small things.) We can use radical acceptance with our OWN thoughts, feelings, experiences as well, which can be just as if not more challenging than anything we experience in the outside/external world.
To see this skill in action, think about running late. (If you are someone like me, this is embarrassingly easy to do.) Once you are in the car, driving to your destination, there is not much you can (safely) do to change the situation of being late. What are your choices? You can 1) be super mad at yourself for running late; 2) desperately try to change what really cannot be changed at this point, perhaps by speeding or trying to take shortcuts, neither of which will meaningfully change your arrival time; or 3) radically accept that here you are, running late, and you cannot change this reality at this point.
Once you radically accept your situation, now you can figure out what to do next. Maybe you will take some deep breaths and crack the windows to settle down your nervous system. Maybe you put on some good music to distract yourself and change your energy/mindset. Maybe you remember that your therapist said you should be more compassionate with yourself, and you forgive yourself for the "failure" of running late.
Radical acceptance is ultimately about freedom - freedom to shift out of efforts to control what is uncontrollable. Of course, this can be scary and quite a change from our pre-programmed, reflexive ways of dealing with pain. But it is worth it. YOU are worth it.
your fellow human,
Dr. Shannon Erisman
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